my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we're making bets on your personal life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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