bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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