i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
