Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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