I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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