We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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