if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
