I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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