I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Im part way to drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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