i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
