i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
