I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
