Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
