I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
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