How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
