Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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