I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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