We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
