the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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