Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
