Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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