he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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