Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
