If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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