he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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