ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
