Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
