Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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