Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
