omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
