My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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