I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
