Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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