i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
