She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
