we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Barsexuality is the new black.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
