So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
