it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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