well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
