It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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