I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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