ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's never too late to be topless.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
