i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
