who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
