I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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