He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
