Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
