Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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