i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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