4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
