I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
