she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
