i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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