Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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