don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
